A conversation between Sara and the rational thinking fairy:

Rational thinking fairy: "Hi, Sara! Boy, we sure haven't talked in awhile. How are things going lately?"

Sara: "Rational thinking fairy, you are a bitch! Life is terrible! Everything is meaningless and no one cares about anyone and my hair looks bad today! Also, I saw a boy mowing the lawn, and it frankly just ruined my whole month because clearly that boy has no meaning in life and probably eats little debbie snack cakes and thinks racist thoughts about Dora the Explorer."

Rational thinking fairy: "Wow, Sara. Those are some extreme words you're using. 'Terrible.' 'Meaningless.' You speak about meaning a lot. Why do you think that is?"

Sara: "Hmm, what a fine question. Let me take a minute to gather my thoughts. oh. IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE NONE."

Rational thinking fairy: "Sara, what are you preaching on tomorrow?"

Sara: "I'm preaching about how everything is terrible and everyone hates everyone."

Rational thinking fairy: "That sounds like a very inspirational message."

Sara: I say it again! Rational thinking fairy, you are a bitch!"

Rational thinking fairy: "What are you really preaching about?"

Sara: "I'm preaching on Psalm 13 -- 'how long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" I've been walking through the cemetery and trying to think as many depressing thoughts as possible. I've been trying to gather up all the world's pain and store it in my heart."

Rational thinking fairy: "How is that helpful?"

Sara: "It's not. It's a terrible way to live life. But I think my spiritual gift is to be morose. I think that God calls me to see through the lens of brokenness. I think that pastors should be happy no more than 40% of the time. If they're happy any more than that, they're probably not doing their job well."

Rational thinking fairy: "So, you think God wants us to be unhappy?"

Sara: "No."

Rational thinking fairy: "I believe you just said as much."

Sara: "Of course I did. I do believe that as an internal reality. But our conversation is in the realm of external reality. ALSO YOU'RE THE RATIONAL THINKING FAIRY. You're helping me see more clearly."

Rational thinking fairy: "Maybe you should say something about Jesus during your sermon."

Sara: "I do. I say that sometimes it feels like Jesus body slams us into a wall and walks away laughing."

Rational thinking fairy: "Sara. Sara! Don't say that. Do you understand me? Don't tell people that Jesus hates them."

Sara: "Why not?

Rational thinking fairy: "Because that's not what you believe. Listen to me. I'm the rational thinking fairy, and I'm here to speak truth into your life. Make an outline. Make some goals. Get your work done. And then move on. Stop thinking that your sermon is going to make everyone lose their faith. That is a false reality. Also, your hair looks fine today. It really does. People really do care for one another, and if you would open your eyes, you'd see that the human condition is outrageously beautiful."

Sara: "Rational thinking fairy, it's like you are rubbing cold cream on my soul. I mean, it feels really good. Your words. Your help."

Rational thinking fairy: "It's not me. It's God working through me."

Sara: "You say that, but I know you secretly want the affirmation. Just accept it. You are a good fairy. You are good at what you do."

Rational thinking fairy: "Fine. Thank you. I appreciate that. A final word of advice, though? Don't begin your sermon with the sentence: "I'm not particularly fond of human beings." Remember, people are not THAT comfortable with your neuroses when they don't know you."

Sara: "Good advice. I will instead start with a hilarious story about Hitler."

"Intrusion"

Scene: 3 young hipster wannabes sit upstairs in a coffee shop. A jock is in the corner. His presence creates an uncomfortable tension. Mesh shorts and Powerade? Really? Nobody knows why he is there. Summer school, probably. It is clear he has read no Foucault in the recent months.

An elderly man walks up the stairs. He surveys the room and sees that he does not belong. He trudges over to the corner, sits down, and unwraps his turkey sandwich on wheat. The hipster wannabes decide this is okay. After all, ageism is not trendy.

A woman walks up the stairs with clacky heels. The hipsters are appalled. "Did she not see the sign?!? -- "handmade moccasins ONLY?!?" The woman is oblivious to any of the rules. She enters into the dead silence and shouts across the room to the elderly man.

Clacky heel woman: "FOR THE RECORD, I'M NOT LATE! Geoffrey, you know, my little dachshund, Geoffrey?? Well, we were just at the vet. Can you believe he's 12 pounds overweight? He never eats ANYTHING!"

Elderly man: (boisterous, insincere laughter)

Clacky heel woman: "Oh my, it's completely silent in here! Oh good! That means I can talk as loudly as I want and no one will care! Would you like to hear the funniest story about the bath I took last night?! Hahahaha, Geoffrey climbed right up into the tub!"

Hipster girl wearing brightly patterned dress: (begins directing passive-aggressive glances at the oblivious couple)

Hipster boy with floppy hair and a poetry anthology: (begins directing passive-aggressive glances at the oblivious couple)

Jock: (Oblivious; continues work on laptop)

Clacky heel woman: "WELL LET'S GET STARTED. I have such a great plan for selling cupcakes to dogs! Healthy cupcakes, mind you! OBESE DOGS ARE VERY SUSCEPTIBLE TO DEPRESSION. Geoffrey has been on Prozac for 10 months now, and I can tell that he is still morose!"

Hipster Girl: (increased passive-aggressive glances, coupled with drawn-out sighs)

Hipster Boy: (increased passive-aggressive glances, coupled with a showy exit to express his exasperation)

Clacky Heel woman: "HAHA! HAHA! RUINING EVERYONE'S DAY IS MY FAVORITE!"

Elderly man: "HAHA! HAHA! We're the only ones talking! Our ideas are so good! I bet everyone loves listening to them! I am so wise! These young hipsters must think I am so wise!"

The hipsters are disgusted. Unable to control the obtrusive man and woman, they insert their earbuds into their Macbooks and begin loudly listening to Sigur Ros. They will later write witty stories about this in their moleskine notebooks and then transfer them to their tumblr. Life is pain.

Dear perfectionism,

I thoroughly loathe you. I want to cut off your appendages and eat them while you watch me and weep. I want to destroy you. I hate you I hate you I hate you.

You are an evil lover. You seduce me with your sweet success, and then you beat me late into the night. I want to murder you. My hate for you is so strong.

You know, though, that I will come back to you. You know that even as I write this, I won't leave you. I will return to you. I will always return.

But I hate you. I so throughly hate you.

Sara

"A Letter from my Professor"

Hi Sara,

This is Professor ______. I was just writing to tell you that you don't have to write your final paper for me!

For the last two months, you've had that "I-don't-give-a-shit" look on your face, and I totally understand because, let's face it, I don't give a shit either.

Although you almost never spoke in class, I could just really tell that you are brilliant, and so I am giving you an A. I'd also like to break down the walls of our student-teacher relationship--would you like to hang out sometime? Maybe go dress shopping and grab some drinks?

Hell, since you don't have to write your final paper, are you free tonight? I just find you to be a fascinating person, and I would be so honored to keep company with you.

Eagerly anticipating our friendship,

Professor ______

Dear friends,

For my morning devotional, I read Katy Perry lyrics. She raises some good questions:

"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?"

Every day, Katy, every day. I need your help.

"You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just own the night like the Fourth of July. Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own."

Morning devotional brought to you by Katy Perry. Praise the Lord!

[In regard to the King James Version]

"To all the women who read the Sacred Scriptures: We have left the male gender where the original text called for it. Please give yourself a special spiritual treat, substitute the word woman for man when you read these pages. Together we will feel that the Book was written just for ourselves."

-- Robert Schuller, Possibility Thinkers Bible

"How to ask for an extension in seminary"

Dear Dr. Portier-Young,

He is risen! He is risen, indeed! I hope your journey to the cross was meaningful. This cross, this death, this resurrection--what wondrous love is this? Oh, my soul.

Anyway, I was writing to see if you would consider granting me an extension. I got so caught up in the death our Savior (He is risen! He is risen, indeed!) that I did not have enough time to work on my final paper (It seemed wrong to research while grieving the death of my Lord).

Let me know your thoughts,

Sara

Dear Dr. Bowler,

When I was reading your dissertation, which was so, so good, you referenced The Art of Counseling by Rollo May (1967). As your writing about this book was so lively and altogether wonderful, I excitedly picked up a copy and found this treasure:

"The teacher without empathy is like a motor car with the gears unmeshed--the motor races, making a noise as ineffectual as 'sounding brass and a clanging cymbal.'"

I have decided not to write my final paper.

Best!

Sara

Dear Dr. Wacker,

I sat down for my morning devotionals the other day and before I knew it, it was 10 pm! I guess I got caught up in an ecstatic vision of my Lord.

Anyway, I'm running behind on my work now. Would you consider granting me an extension?

Best!

Sara

1 Thessalonians 5:17 -- "Pray Continually"

Dear Dr. Wirzba,

How good is our Lord. Oh, that we might fall before our God and praise Him!

I am writing to thank you for teaching me to see the world. You have enlivened my vision, teaching me to see Christ in apple blossoms, robins, and soil. Your advice to take a break from school and walk through Duke Gardens has changed my life. Thank you for teaching me to pause and taste the world.

I have decided to continue pausing. I will not be writing my final paper.

Thanks for teaching me to see Christ!

Sara

Mini Homily: Eucharist

God invites us to the table to eat Jesus, invites us to bite down on grace, invites us to swallow grace and feel it sliding down our esophagus.

God invites every single one of his people to gather at the table and be fed, no matter whether his people smell that day or are tired and distracted or are confused as to why they’re sitting at the table at all. God invites us because he knows that his smelly, tired, confused children need nourishment, and so God invites us to feed on him—to slurp down eternal life that he’s flavored with the juice of grapes.

God teaches us what it’s like to sit together at the table so that we might invite smelly, tired, and confused people to our own kitchen tables. God feeds us so that we might feed others.

God invites us to have supper in the morning, and in so doing, scrambles all of our expectations for eating. God teaches us that unity is nonsensical and beautiful. God teaches us that inclusion is nonsensical and beautiful. God’s guest list includes the lady who wears cat vests, the man who chews like a drunken bear, and the child who cusses in the line at the grocery store. God says: “They are beautiful. They are mine. They are invited to the table.”

Mini Homily #2: Confession

It may be new for us to think about how our eating implicates us in patterns of injustice. We must eat to live—how can it be wrong?

Eating is never wrong. Food is a grand, delicious gift to be celebrated. The trouble is, we fail to celebrate it. We have forgotten where our food comes from. We have abstracted our bacon from pigs. We have abstracted our corn from fields. We have abstracted our strawberries from the Chilean workers who picked the plump, red fruit with their fingers. We care not about the Chilean worker or his fingers but rather we care about whether or not we’ll have strawberries all year long.

When we become disconnected from our food, we become disconnected from the lives that make our eating possible. We want cheap chicken. We want cheap tomatoes. We get upset when tasting is costly. We come to confess today because tasting is costly, and we have squandered the earth’s resources with our reckless tasting.

In our tasting, we must learn to ask: “whose blood is in this food?” How were the animals treated? How were the workers treated? What is the yearly income of the lady who raises chickens? How is the land being treated? Are we leaving gashes in the earth? Can they be sewn together or are we sowing permanent destruction?

Our insatiable desire for food that is cheap and convenient is tearing holes in God’s Creation. English poet, John Drinkwater, wrote that “when you defile the pleasant streams and the wild bird’s abiding place, you massacre a million dreams and cast your spittle in God’s face.”

Do we stand before God and spit in his face?

We do. For this reason, we must confess.

Mini Homily

Think of the last time you read the Creation story in Genesis. Did it blow your mind and leave you panting for a glimpse of this world? Did you yearn to put your hands in the dirt and feel what God put there? Did you find yourself wanting to lie down in a garden so you could smell God?

The last time I read the Creation story, I found myself unimpressed. It’s all that redundancy, really, that causes my eyes to glaze over: “And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the third day. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening and there was morning, the fourth day.” It all seems so effortless, like God is pointing at products in a Pier 1 catalogue to furnish his living room.

God, we find ourselves unimpressed with the way you describe the furnishings of your world: vegetation, birds, wild animals—God show us the platypus! Show us the redwoods and the panther and the Pacific Ocean. Show us the gladiolus; lift it to our noses. The hawk, God, show us the hawk; we will study it and praise you. The colors must have been vibrant, and the textures! How did the world feel leaving your fingertips? What tasks did you delegate to Jesus? Did the Spirit scatter seeds and feed the animals? Tell us, God, impress us! Show us the hawk.

But there is nothing wrong with God’s imagination.

There is something wrong with our imagination.

Have we lost our ability to wonder? Can our eyes see that the world is soaked with God? Loss of astonishment is not a new phenomenon—St. Basil the Great wrote in the 4^th century: “I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you the clear remembrance of the Creator…One blade of grass or one speck of dust is enough to occupy your entire mind in beholding the art with which it has been made.”

There is something wrong with our imagination. God is not picking out the world from a catalogue—trees are not products; chickens are not products; nitrogen is not a product. Rather, God imagined the earth, and it was so, and it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, every day.

God says: “Go outside, and within you I will cultivate astonishment. I only ask that you learn to see.”

Seminary Fail

Seminary student #1: “hey! what is a good bible verse about grace that i can memorize like a mantra? (not john 3:16)”

Seminary student #2: mmmm, that's a question for [seminarian who likes grace a lot]

Seminary student #1: haha. duly noted.

Seminary student #2: or pick up your copy of Brennan Manning

Seminary student #1: good point.

Seminary student #2: I'm making such good suggestions.

Seminary student #1: you are.

Seminary student #2: but yet can't think of a verse...

Seminary student #1: well, i mean other than the one about you are saved by grace, not by works, that is somehow the only one i can think of

Seminary student #2: yeah, other than that one, I don't think the Bible says much about it.

Seminary student #1: interesting. i should have noticed this before now. hahaha.

Seminary student #2: wait, is that true? I was being an ass

Seminary student #1: hahahaha.

man, i am just in an accept-everything-state-of-mind.

how can i not think of any verses with grace!

ok, i'm doing a computer search

ok, there are like a million hits

you are never to speak of this conversation with anyone

OH NO, DISASTER

hahaha

my grace is sufficient for you!

how could i have forgotten that one?

Thank God for our vulnerability.

There is a crack in everything, and that's how the light gets through.

"Time for Bed"

How many pints of Ben & Jerry's will it take to become a good pastor?

Is empathy really a good thing?

Who will be our pastor when we need one?

When will everyone live into their vulnerability?

When will God make it all right?

Maranatha.