"It's too bad I forgot to wear my bunny ears and spandex leggings to the football game"

Dear friends,

Welcome back to my exciting life.

I am now in my third week of classes. Much to my chagrin, I have not been to a Waffle House yet, but I have visited some of the above ground libraries. The main above ground library is superb because IT IS OPEN 24 HOURS Monday-Thursday. Who does that?!? Apparently real people at real colleges. I am of the opinion that this library is better than the Bodleian at Oxford because it is bright, it has comfortable seating options, and people don't clack around loudly wearing boots with wooden heels.

What may come as a surprise to some of you is that I have not been constantly indulging in crazy, social engagements. However, after a lonely Friday night with my friend Gin, I decided to accept my roommate's offer to go to the Duke football game on Saturday night. I did this for 2 reasons: 1.) I absolutely needed to get out of the house and 2.) I got a job as a mentor for a freshman football player, and I wanted to be able to tell him that I had gone to the game. So, I looked for a Duke t-shirt that I do not own, did not find one, realized that I needed to work on the whole school spirit thing, and headed to the game.

As I walked through huge crowds of people, who were dressed up as Pocahontas, pirates, and sluts, I thought to myself, "Why in the hell am I at a football game?" The logic of my decision escaped me. Nonetheless, my roommate found us some friends to sit by, and we sat and made idle small talk about how since we're females, we had mostly come just to eat a delicious ball-game hot dog.

That was mostly my football experience then. The hot dog, I mean. I did enjoy the overall atmosphere a bit and maybe made a bit of a friend, but I don't know that Duke football games will be part of my regular repertoire of weekend activities.

In other news, today I overheard a Wheaton grad say to his Wheaton grad friend: "If I hear another person say some arrogant, pretentious comment, I am going to throttle him/her." I smiled in their direction as I went past them. I don't think I would at all categorize the overall environment here as arrogant and pretentious, but the vast majority of the first-years seem to be in an overly pretentious phase right now because of everyone's vast insecurities. I haven't yet been privy to anything I would deem an organic, genuine learning experience, and I find this to be vastly unfortunate.

I know you're not supposed to ever speak negatively about people or groups in a blog, but whatevs because I would say these same things to anyone in this specific group. So, I have precept groups for my Church History and Old Testament classes, which just means that once a week, instead of going to the 200-person lecture class, I go to a 12-15 person discussion class. In so doing, I have found that my Church History precept is absolutely the most horrifying, terrible discussion group/learning experience that I have ever been forced to be a part of. It's even worse than D-group at Northwestern (jk! kind of...) Anyway, there are some incredibly combative people that speak in harsh tones but don't know they're speaking in combative, harsh tones. I have problems with these sorts, especially because I know they don't realize that their tone is harsh. Then there are people who continually insist on chiming in with cute anecdotes about why they think what they do because of their fundamentalist background. This wouldn't be so bad, but then the incredibly combative people try to make the fundys look stupid. Oh golly, it's just maybe the most terrible group setting I have ever experienced. Furthermore, I am not prone to speaking up in a discussion group that I think is incredibly pointless and terrible, and then I get all stressed out about whether I'm going to get my damn participation points. Eff.

But to change the subject entirely, I'd like to talk for a bit about Chick-Fil-A. If you have never heard of Chick-Fil-A, it is a fast food restaurant that apparently serves up delectable chicken treats. People here are obsessed with Chick-Fil-A in an entirely frightening way. They talk about it all the time. For instance, whereas I would used to walk past a random group of friends at Northwestern discussing God's plan for their lives, I now walk past random groups of friends discussing Chick-Fil-A and how much they would like some. I guess that Duke students' God-shaped hole is maybe more strangely reminscent of a crispy chicken sandwich.

Other things about Duke are really quite different from Northwestern. For instance, a sign at the entrance to the student center yesterday advertised in large lettering: "Free HIV testing." It was in the basement. I considered going to see if I had received the HIV when I gave plasma this summer, but I decided that I would feel uncomfortable placing my HIV results in my folder next to my Christian Spirituality handout on Benedictine Monasticism.

I also found a flyer on a table one day that talked about what clubs and frat parties undergraduates should go to. One bit of advice given was: "Have two drinks-make a friend; have 4-6 drinks-make a mistake; have 10+ drinks-make a walk of shame." It is at times like these when I realize that I am no longer at a Christian college. I always slightly yearned for a real college experience, so I guess I can now be privy to what bits of life at a real college can be like.

In other news, I have been a bit angsty lately. Not about classes really at all, but about Christian things. The fact of the matter is that I think it is time for me to learn how to be a Christian, and it is stressing me out so much. Because I have made this blog so public, I don't feel like saying anything more right now. Probably later. I just wish that a magic spiritual director would pop in and teach me magic things that would be genuine and not complete bullshit.

Also, the process of finding a church is the most stress-inducing thing I can imagine. The church I went to this past Sunday encouraged a great deal of slamming of one's hands together while bee-bopping to worship. I do not make a regular practice of slamming my hands together while I bee-bop to worship, so I almost popped a vein during this portion of the service. I wanted to die. I don't understand why things like this stress me out so much. I think I just need to go to an Episcopal church. The thing is, no one wants to come to the Episcopal churches with me, and the thought of going to new churches alone makes me want to die. This would be one good reason to have a husband. Then you'd have someone to go to church with.

I am slightly baffled by how much my intravert, misanthrope ways have intensified over the years. I have always been shy, but I have not always been a misanthrope. I actually had a raging social life my freshman year of college. I don't understand what has happened to me over the years. Also, when I know people and like them, then I freaking love people. Here, though, when I am in groups of unknowns and I am pressured to speak with them, I feel as though my flesh is going to pop off. It makes me uncomfortable.

Duke is surely not the most comfortable place to be. It is big and I am faceless, and that is so not my style. But maybe in the future I will have a face. I guess only time will tell.

Well this needs to be all for now,

Best,
Sara