Saturday, June 25, 2011
A conversation between Sara and the rational thinking fairy:
Rational thinking fairy: "Hi, Sara! Boy, we sure haven't talked in awhile. How are things going lately?"
Sara: "Rational thinking fairy, you are a bitch! Life is terrible! Everything is meaningless and no one cares about anyone and my hair looks bad today! Also, I saw a boy mowing the lawn, and it frankly just ruined my whole month because clearly that boy has no meaning in life and probably eats little debbie snack cakes and thinks racist thoughts about Dora the Explorer."
Rational thinking fairy: "Wow, Sara. Those are some extreme words you're using. 'Terrible.' 'Meaningless.' You speak about meaning a lot. Why do you think that is?"
Sara: "Hmm, what a fine question. Let me take a minute to gather my thoughts. oh. IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE NONE."
Rational thinking fairy: "Sara, what are you preaching on tomorrow?"
Sara: "I'm preaching about how everything is terrible and everyone hates everyone."
Rational thinking fairy: "That sounds like a very inspirational message."
Sara: I say it again! Rational thinking fairy, you are a bitch!"
Rational thinking fairy: "What are you really preaching about?"
Sara: "I'm preaching on Psalm 13 -- 'how long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" I've been walking through the cemetery and trying to think as many depressing thoughts as possible. I've been trying to gather up all the world's pain and store it in my heart."
Rational thinking fairy: "How is that helpful?"
Sara: "It's not. It's a terrible way to live life. But I think my spiritual gift is to be morose. I think that God calls me to see through the lens of brokenness. I think that pastors should be happy no more than 40% of the time. If they're happy any more than that, they're probably not doing their job well."
Rational thinking fairy: "So, you think God wants us to be unhappy?"
Rational thinking fairy: "I believe you just said as much."
Sara: "Of course I did. I do believe that as an internal reality. But our conversation is in the realm of external reality. ALSO YOU'RE THE RATIONAL THINKING FAIRY. You're helping me see more clearly."
Rational thinking fairy: "Maybe you should say something about Jesus during your sermon."
Sara: "I do. I say that sometimes it feels like Jesus body slams us into a wall and walks away laughing."
Rational thinking fairy: "Sara. Sara! Don't say that. Do you understand me? Don't tell people that Jesus hates them."
Sara: "Why not?
Rational thinking fairy: "Because that's not what you believe. Listen to me. I'm the rational thinking fairy, and I'm here to speak truth into your life. Make an outline. Make some goals. Get your work done. And then move on. Stop thinking that your sermon is going to make everyone lose their faith. That is a false reality. Also, your hair looks fine today. It really does. People really do care for one another, and if you would open your eyes, you'd see that the human condition is outrageously beautiful."
Sara: "Rational thinking fairy, it's like you are rubbing cold cream on my soul. I mean, it feels really good. Your words. Your help."
Rational thinking fairy: "It's not me. It's God working through me."
Sara: "You say that, but I know you secretly want the affirmation. Just accept it. You are a good fairy. You are good at what you do."
Rational thinking fairy: "Fine. Thank you. I appreciate that. A final word of advice, though? Don't begin your sermon with the sentence: "I'm not particularly fond of human beings." Remember, people are not THAT comfortable with your neuroses when they don't know you."
Sara: "Good advice. I will instead start with a hilarious story about Hitler."